the quest for Doug's chair

[griffin738]

I’m writing this evening on a matter of great urgency, a matter concerning a man – an innocent man – who has been done wrong. A matter that has caused this man – our hero – to devote himself to righting the wrong that has been done to him. A matter that has inspired your writer to join our hero’s cause restlessly, devotedly, absolutely.

Troubled to find words to soften the harsh reality of “the matter,” I’ll hope that you can handle the cold truth in its most gut-wrenching form, the haunting pleadings of our hero himself. For now we shall call him Doug.

-------------------------------------------
From: Biv, Douglas G.
Sent: Thursday, July 31, 2008 9:44:06 AM
To: {workteam}
Subject: The case of the missing chair

All:
Yesterday when I left the office, my desk chair, that I have had for over 3 years, was at its normal location behind my desk.

This morning there is a different chair behind my desk.

If anyone knows what happen to my original chair, please let me know because the one I now is unacceptable.

I will also talk to other people on the 6th floor to try to get the original chair back.

Douglas G. Biv
Office - 202.555.1212
Cell - 202.555.1213
-------------------------------------------

As you might correctly assume, Doug and I are co-workers. True to his role as an engineer, Doug is meticulous in his detail and engrossed in routine (the technical among you might appreciate that after his flawless implementation of a SONET ring, he was dubbed “Doug of the Rings” - - all hail. . .).

I ask you, what could be more crippling for such a man than to endure the senseless loss of that to which he is closest to at work, his trusty office chair? A chair with which he has shared the challenges, triumphs and tragedies of government telecommunications. A chair that he has come to know for three years. Three Years people, THREE YEARS!!!

When he shared the news, I ran quickly to Doug’s aid.

PB: “Doug! When did you last see your chair!?!?”

Doug: “Yesterday evening Paul, just like I wrote in my email.”

PB: “Ah-ha! I see! So it couldn’t have gotten far, right???”

Doug: “I was hoping that someone took it to a conference room and returned the wrong one by mistake.”

PB: “That’s horrible! Can you describe the chair so I can identify it?”

Doug: “I don’t remember what it looks like. I don’t really look at it, I just sit in it.”

PB: “Oh Doug, this is clearly upsetting you. Are you okay?”

Doug: “Well this replacement chair is a bit uncomfortable. Other than that I’m fine, but I’m pretty busy. Don’t you have any work to do?”

PB: “You bet I do Doug! I’ve got a lot to do. I’ve got to go find your chair!”


Doug, seated in an unfamiliar and unwelcome chair.

To be continued. . .

[NightNurse]

I love a good mystery

[JimVonBaden]

Jim

[griffin738]

Having vowed to join Doug’s campaign to bring his chair back alive, I returned to my office to whiteboard a strategy (okay, my dry-erase markers had gone missing long ago, so I used a pad of paper). I drew a map, first of my floor, then of the building.


trust nothing on your floor


trust nothing on your city block

I studied my work products and tasked myself: “think Paul, think! Who would have a motive to take the chair?”

Was it the woman with the sweet corner office who wanted to have all the important meetings on her own turf? Was it the guy who recently moved offices and perhaps used Doug’s chair to move his PC monitor? Was it one of the smokers outside my office building’s front door who want to take a load off as they puff away? Was it the hot dog guy on the corner who wants to sit low while he serves meat from dirty boiling water? Was it one of the sketchy people in the office building behind mine – perhaps they wanted to study every angle of the engineering brilliance that defines Doug? Was it the cashier at Grumpy Pizza (who suspiciously recently started to wear a knee brace)?

My mind raced with the possibilities.

Then I had a recollection from my childhood. I recalled that I’d typically join my family in the early evening to watch the television. When my mom had her way, we’d tune into sit-coms: “all in the family” and “the jeffersons” were favorites - - but typically my father called the shots: “kojak,” “the streets of san Francisco,” and “ironsides” oriented my family’s pop-culture compass.

But I digress. . . the point of my childhood recollection is that it was a different Doug – one known to me from a much younger age – who was the first in my consciousness to steal a chair. At that moment I recalled how my brother – the original Doug – stole the chair that I had considered mine at family TV time.

Abandoning all local conspiracy theories, I focused on my brother. Had he moved recently to Nashville and I have visited him once at his new home. I distinctly recall that he had more chairs that I could ever recall him having before.

Wasting no time, I sped to Tennessee.

I burst into my brother’s house only to see him give me a wry smile and a knowing nod. “Yes Paul, we’ve been expecting you” he said with a wiry grin that was completely unfamiliar to me from any results we’ve had with our orthodontist. I hadn’t uttered a word when he continued, “The chair you seek – you will not find it here. But please stay for the night. BWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA.”

Pretty typical stuff.

Brother Doug served some drinks: wine for some, and a large beer meant specifically for me.


Ah, a large Australian beer, how refreshing and delightful. And large! . . .and LARGE!


The next day – after the Beerzard of Oz vacated my head – we celebrated my niece’s sixth birthday. Her cake featured Barbie, as in “cake on the barbie.”


The Australian references were thickening. . .

My mind raced as if after a third cup of coffee, I flew home to report back on my findings. I didn’t even check any bags.


Stay tuned – it’s just starting to get good . . .

[RocketMan]

Well damn! First Mirror Failures, airheads that refuse to breakdown and now CHAIR DISAPPEARANCES!! What is this world coming too!!!

The End Is Near....The End Is Near!!!!



RM

[Hello Kitty]

I think 'Doug' is really named Roy.

[DogHouse]

:lurker:

I love a good mystery

+1

[Chiba]

NOT GROUP 3!!! SAY IT ISN'T SO!

This will not end well. I hope somebody rescued Barbie from her tasty prison.

--chiba

[JimVonBaden]

I think it is Paul Brown, by the water cooler, with a red stapler!


Jim

PS Who is Paul Brown you ask? Well, if you have to ask...

[wiredcur]

A girl popping out of a cake, how 70's. What kind of message is that sending to that innocent little girl.

[DogHouse]

Classic

[NightNurse]

I think 'Doug' is really named Roy.

HAHAHA!! I get it. Roy G. Biv. This is getting good.

[NightNurse]

OK here is my line of thinking: It was either the corner office person--they are just crazy with jealousy and feel "entitled" to it. OR it was the hot dog guy. Hot dog guys are just plain evil anyway.

[markap]

check area 51

[Deano]

Someone had a conference call or other meeting with several others. There were not enough chairs, so some where scavenged from adjacent, unoccupied offices. There was a mix-up on the return.

Suggest Doug (Roy ) conduct an examination of all chairs on floor to ID his. If a visual determination cannot be made, perhaps other senses could be employed (for example, sit his ass in each chair and evaluate). I recommend against the sniff test.